


Sunglasses leather jacket wearing disheveled hair unbuttoned shirt lookin ass

by HolyCoconut



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: (?), Blind Character, Blind! Evan Hansen, Deaf Character, Deaf! Connor Murphy, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Im a whore for it so :/, I’ll probably use Deaf Connor and Blind Evan again though, M/M, Multi, One Shot, We'll see if I actually do anything with this work, fuckin uh, im not kidding he's really fucking stupid in this one fellas, oblivious dumbass Connor strikes again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 20:52:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18645895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyCoconut/pseuds/HolyCoconut
Summary: And that’s how Connor found himself on the floor of the Kleinman’s living room, Evan and Jared sleeping beside him. He doesn’t know why he’s awake, but he knows it’s their fault. Connor has picked up on way too many of their habits, and he hates how observant he is when it comes to friends or relationships. He’s dated a few girls, but it didn’t feel right. Nothing felt right until Miguel, and he guesses that’s why it all went wrong.





	Sunglasses leather jacket wearing disheveled hair unbuttoned shirt lookin ass

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING:  
> there is a slur in this work (f*g) and I hate using it or writing it but it's only mentioned Once.

_Oh great, another douchebag transferring to this piece of shit high school. Just what I need._

Connor glared at the blond disheveled boy wearing dark shades who just opened his locker. He was being followed around by a certain brunet Connor absolutely despised, Jared Kleinman. The blond boy in question was wearing a slim leather jacket and low pants, and Connor wanted to throw up. If he was hanging around Jared, that wouldn’t be good considering Jared torments the fuck out of Connor-

And here he comes. Terrific.

The brunet slams his locker shut and tightens his fist around his bag strap. He can see Jared sweat nervously but the brunet’s mouth opens anyway, and Connor almost reaches to turn his hearing aids off.

“Hey Connor, cool jacket. Did you steal it off a homeless person?” Jared says with a certain snark that could come off as kidding to others but to Connor, he can’t hear anything but malice and disgust. Which stings in a special way, because he bleached it himself.

“Bite me, Jared.” Connor grits out, tightening his hand around his jacket sleeves. Normally he wouldn’t say anything, but the blond guy was standing there seeming annoyed and a little awkward. Connor wondered if he was waiting for his turn to mess with the school freak.

“You’d love that wouldn’t you?” Jared smiles so wide, and it’s clear that he was thrilled Connor gave him that opening. Connor doesn’t dignify that with a response and shoulders past the blond.

The blond stumbles and then falls to the ground, looking completely bewildered. Jared seems to actually get mad and Connor turns to look him in the face.

“You know what? You are a fucking monster.” Jared says with a special kind of rage Connor isn’t used to. Usually the brunet backs off with a nervous chuckle about how ‘it was just friendly banter Connor! He was just playing!!’ before he runs down the hall in fear. Jared leans down to help the blond up and he seems to be muttering something to him. The other boy responds but Connor can’t hear it over the buzzing in his head.

Connor turns and shoves his way out of the crowd that formed around them, trying to breathe easier. His lungs start to burn and his knuckles itch. He realizes he needs to punch something and tries to think. Lockers are way too hard and the wall would break, he’s too far from home to even think about his punching bag. Finally, he loses his resolve and destroys the drywall. His hands are bleeding profusely when he arrives home, but Larry and Cynthia don’t say anything.

Zoe doesn’t even look at him. She never does.

He pulls his hearing aids out and wraps his hands in a washcloth, deciding to lie down for a while. A while turns into two straight hours and by then Cynthia comes upstairs to check if he’s still alive. Her rule is if he’s a bit too quiet for too long she’ll sneak up to check if he’s breathing. Sometimes, if she’s really worried, she’ll gently press a hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat. Connor lets her do it and pretends to be asleep. He doesn’t know why he puts up with it, but the soft smile on her face after she confirms it makes his throat squeeze shut.

Today she opts for knocking fifty times, the sound vibrating and seeming to shake the room. He agrees to go downstairs shortly after. He blames his shit mood on the new transfer student that was too much of a dick to say anything and then had the audacity to act like Connor shoved him or something extreme. He didn’t feel any guilt, Connor barely touched him.

…

Two days pass and that kid, who he learns is named Evan, says nothing in class. He’s treated like a fragile vase and Connor wonders if he’s some pretentious old money rich kid. Even teachers pity him for no reason at all, and Evan barely cares enough to button his shirt all the way. In fact, he’s seen Jared babying him during lunch and passing periods. Now, Jared’s still a dick, but Evan seems to tolerate it for some reason and Jared is slightly kinder to him than other people. Keyword: Slightly.

It makes his blood boil. What makes him really explode is when he sees Zoe, cooing over him during lunch. Granted, Evan looks uncomfortable, but something about his sister thinking the sun shines out of this guy’s ass is bullshit.

Zoe has to drive him on days she doesn’t have jazz band practice, and this is coincidentally, one of those days. He usually turns his hearing aids off or takes them out completely to show that he wants absolutely no conversation, but this time he doesn’t make a move to.

“So.” Connor starts, trying to fight back the low building anger inside. “You like that Evan guy huh?”

Zoe fucking blushes a little bit and Connor wants to gag. “He’s very… shy.” She says, pointedly looking away from him. Connor snorts. _Bitch please._

“What? Do you have a problem with him or something?” The second Zoe asks, she looks like she regrets it immediately.

“Of course I do! He’s pretentious as fuck!” He leans back and blows a strand of hair out of his eye, pushing his feet onto the dashboard. Zoe gasps.

“Connor you don’t have to be such a dick!”

Connor momentarily doesn’t understand the outburst until she pulls up in front of the house. He gets out of the car and walks away as calmly as possible. _Don’t give her anymore openings to make fun of you. Don’t let her get to you._

His drywall gets another few clean hits to it until he can’t stand anything anymore. Connor grabs his jacket and zips it up all the way, forcing the turtle neck part over his chin and mouth. He leaves his phone in favor of his third battered sketchbook and a handful of pens he stole from the art room.

When Connor goes through the front door, he expects Larry to appear out of nowhere, but he doesn’t. The teen is free to exit the house and walk a mile to the park. 

Nothing takes his mind off Evan Hansen though, as he ends up drawing him. A couple times. He doesn’t draw him getting hurt or crying or anything, just simply being. He wonders what color his eyes are and then he realizes he should be hating this guy, not giving a shit about what his eyes look like. 

Connor folds the page over, refusing to tear the page out. He doesn’t like ruining the binding. Connor gingerly closes the sketchbook and pulls at his hair, standing to his feet a little shakily.

…

The next day at school, Connor crosses paths with sunglasses douche again. He holds his sketchbook tight to his chest, looking down at the ground. Evan’s shoulder shoves him back and Connor clenches his teeth. He pauses in the hall while Evan looks around in confusion.

“Got a problem, fucker?” He asks, looking him right in the eyes. Evan looks a little further down. _He thinks he’s so great he can’t even look at me._

“A problem?” Evan repeats, his eyebrow raising. Connor can see Jared coming forward faster than he’s ever seen him move and Connor holds back his voice.

“Yeah. What the hell is your deal, huh? Do you like being treated like a king?”

Instead of excited, everyone around them looks very, very frightened and concerned.

Evan is quiet for a long moment, and then he raises his head and looks right at him. “No.” He mutters. His voice is way too genuine and soft, and it makes Connor confused. “No, I don’t.”

Before Connor can respond Jared reaches them and gets between the two boys.

“What the fuck, Connor?” He yells, and Connor nearly falls when his hands shove his chest. Connor looks at him in shock. Jared has _never_ touched him before. “I didn’t know you were enough of a dick to attack your own kind.”

Jared pulls Evan away, who looks like he’s arguing with him, and Connor can’t fucking breathe. His throat is closed.

“Own kind?” He whispers to himself.

What could that possibly mean, Own kind? Jared knows hardly anything about him or his hobbies. The only thing that Jared could’ve meant, is ‘crazy.’ Evan doesn’t seem mentally ill though, and he certainly doesn’t act like Connor. Besides, Jared likes him and keeps him around. Jared doesn’t give a shit about Connor or his feelings.

School is uneventful besides that afternoon. His hearing aids are taken, his bag is put in the trash, he snaps out at a freshman, then he apologizes, and then he goes home. Same old, same old.

It doesn’t change until dinner, where Cynthia gets a call from the school about Connor ‘fighting with the other students’ and Larry chews him out for it. They don’t know people constantly harass him. They don’t know people trip him on purpose, play loud frequencies, and almost constantly treat him like a monster and an outcast. Connor blames them for it on bad days, and he’s blaming them right now. He yells, but he doesn’t know what he’s saying, he cries, but he can’t remember why, and his knuckles are bloody again when the night is over.

God, he wishes he knew what was wrong with him. 

…

Connor is laying in the library after school, head in his hands, when a person comes up behind him and taps him on the back once.

“Connor?” Evan asks. His teeth hurt from how hard he’s keeping his mouth shut. “Pretending to be invisible doesn’t work on me… anymore.”

That last statement confuses him, and he turns to look at the blond. He’s still wearing those stupid shades, but at least this time he has a decent sweater on, and it’s zipped up all the way. It grosses Connor out when he realizes he’s seen it on Jared before. 

“What do you want?” Connor asks lowly, looking the boy up and down. His sunglasses are askew, and Connor catches a glimpse of pale blue eyes. _Fitting…_ He thinks to himself, looking back up at the blond’s face.

“I wanted to apologize.” Evan says, his fingers fidgeting. 

“You want to apologize?” Connor stands. The boy steps back just barely an inch and keeps his eyes lowered. “To me?”

“Yeah?” Evan replies nervously, his hands hovering awkwardly in front of himself. Connor scoffs.

“Alright, I’ll bite. What for?” He asks, looking him over again. Evan doesn’t seem to mind the analyzation, and that’s a first. People don’t normally like Connor’s eyes on them.

“For bumping into you. I don’t mean to antagonize you…” Evan trails off. “I’m sorry. For doing it. I should’ve been-“ Evan falls silent, his jaw clenching. “Paying more attention to my surroundings.”

Connor sighs and pinches himself on the palm. “It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to apologize to me. Now, you should probably leave before any of your friends see you talking to the school freak.”

Connor grabs his bag and turns to pick up his sketchbook when Evan clears his throat awkwardly.

“I don’t have any.”

Connor pauses. He sets the leather book back down on the table, his thumb leaving a small print on the corner as he lets it go. “What do you mean, you don’t have any?”

Evan steps forward and bumps into Connor’s back. That was a little strange, he’ll admit. Connor hears something clatter to the floor and he turns back around. Evan is staring at the floor, his eyes completely downcast. He doesn’t move to grab his sunglasses, that are resting just beside his feet.

“You gonna get those?” Connor asks after a moment. Evan doesn’t look up and laughs once, a little bitterly. 

“It doesn’t make much of a difference.”

Connor leans down and grabs them, holding them out for him. He couldn’t believe he just picked up Evan Hansen’s douchey ass accessory, but there’s no going back now.

“Here.” Connor mutters. Instead of just plucking the glasses from his fingers, Evan takes his hand. Connor jumps at the contact, but Evan just lets go and places them on his face. Connor’s hand is warm in that spot for a minute after, and his heart takes on a similar temperature when Evan looks up at him.

“Thank you.” The phrase has so much sincerity and pleased shock imbedded in it that Connor is momentarily breathless. Time slows, and when he blinks, Evan’s gone. 

_What the fuck just happened to me?_

…

Evan doesn’t interact with Connor much after that, in fact he doesn’t seem to talk to anyone besides Jared. The new kid thing gets old quick, but not ever that quick. Something is up. Connor doesn’t give it much thought until he sees the people who usually fuck with him, cornering Evan in one of the bathrooms. _‘Don’t intervene, Connor. He’s not your friend and it’s not your business.’_ He thinks this over and over to himself until he hears the word that has been repeated around him since 2nd grade.

“ **F r e a k.** ”

He exits the stall he was hiding in and he grabs the first guy he sees. Connor doesn’t like confrontation, but for special occasions…

 _Crack._ The sound of Connor’s fist colliding with the boy’s face echoes in the glossy-tiled room. He hears one of them laugh, trying not to seem nervous. Connor doesn’t pay attention to any of it. He grabs Evan, who follows obediently, flinching slightly. The blond doesn’t relax until he feels the rush of cold air outside the restroom.

“You don’t have to thank me.” Connor says simply, letting him go and pretending that Evan isn’t making his heart flutter way too much.

“Connor?” Evan asks, looking confused. Connor nods, but Evan isn’t looking at him.

“What?” He asks, shoving his hands into his pockets. Evan blinks, and then Connor realizes he doesn’t have his sunglasses. “Did they take your glasses?”

Evan’s head snaps to the floor, and his eyes are hidden from Connor again. “Oh. Um, yeah. They’re probably in one of the toilets.” His voice is way too soft to not sound pitiful.

Connor growls to himself and slams the bathroom door back open. He’s shocked to see the group of the same boys still in there, the main boy tending to his cheek in the mirror. “Where the fuck is his stuff?” Connor says threateningly, his fists clenched like he’ll swing them again.

One of them chuckles and turns to look Connor in the eyes. “Connor Murphy? Feeling compassion for other people?” 

Connor stares silently, his hands turning white. “I won’t hesitate to give each of you a couple bruises.” The boy with his hand on his cheek points soundlessly to the third stall. Connor grabs them and then proceeds to throw a roll of toilet paper at them for good measure. Evan is still waiting outside when Connor comes out and he grabs his shoulder.

“Come on. I cleaned them for you.”

Evan puts them back on and they relocate to the library. Connor doesn’t know why he gives a shit about the blond. Evan takes Connor’s hand again and the brunet sucks in a breath. _Oh,,, that’s why._

“Connor I… I don’t know how to thank you.”

Connor chuckles nervously, patting the back of Evan’s hand. “It’s just sunglasses, it’s not that big a deal.”

“It’s not about them.” Evan mutters awkwardly, the black frames sliding down his nose. “You treat me like a normal person.”

Connor is suddenly enveloped in a hug and the brunet shivers. He’s not used to this much contact what the fuck. Evan lets go of him and coughs into his hand. “Um, sorry I’m just gonna go.”

Connor winces when Evan’s hip bumps a table as he basically runs out, his hands out in front of him awkwardly.

He can’t believe Evan hugged him. Connor doesn’t even think he’s been hugged by anyone in a while. The brunet is in a daze the rest of the day, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. He hasn’t felt like this since… 

Connor bites back something bitter and sad. Since Miguel…

It’s another restless night for him, but he doesn’t mind. At least it’s not because of a nightmare. Instead it’s about a dumb, sweet, soft blond with pitch black shades on his face 24/7. He wants to ask if Evan goes to sleep with them on, but he’s probably already weirded him out enough.

…

Lunch isn’t usually part of Connor’s daily routine, but today he made an exception. It quickly turned into a mistake that is probably going to haunt him for years, because Jared Kleinman sits down on his left. Connor tries to get up to leave, but Evan is at his right. Connor is completely and utterly trapped. The two are silent for a very long time and the brunet shoves his to-go box of orange chicken away to lay his head down on the lunch table’s sticky surface. Normally he wouldn’t be caught dead doing so, but today isn’t normal.

“I’m gonna say something and I swear to god if you ever bring it up I will raw your asshole.” Jared starts off pleasantly as usual. Connor grimaces and sighs out through his nose. “Thanks for helping Ev yesterday or whatever.” He grumbles awkwardly.

Connor couldn’t believe what he heard. He lifts his forehead from the table and what he sees is also unthinkable. Jared Kleinman is _blushing_. And he just genuinely thanked him. He thanked Connor Murphy, the guy he’s being making fun of since they were kids. Connor goes to speak and Jared huffs.

“Not even a word or I’ll hack your phone and spread your nudes.”

Connor pauses. “I don’t have any nudes.” He’s definitely not used to this much conversation with Jared but he can’t say he hates it.

“Oh, sure you don’t, everyone does, Right Evan?” Jared reaches behind Connor’s back to nudge the blond and Evan turns bright red.

“No, I think it’s just you.” He mumbles, and Jesus Christ Evan is definitely lying he has fucking nudes on his phone what the fuck? Jared half-heartedly argues with Evan up until he starts describing a certain picture of Evan. Connor tries to pretend he’s not listening, but really, he’s trying to figure out whether he wanted to know there’s a picture of the blond in thigh-highs on Jared’s phone.

Evan shrieks at him and fumbles to pull the strings of his hoodie, covering his face. The shortest boy opens his mouth to say something again, but thankfully the bell rings and Connor is allowed to leave. He’s not proud to admit that all he thinks about in his last classes is Evan. He’s even less proud to say a few thoughts of Jared snuck their way in as well. Connor would rather die than have Jared find that out, he doesn’t want the shorter boy’s ego to inflate even more. 

…

It wasn’t just that day, that was probably the most confusing part. Evan and Jared _continued_ to sit with him. Then it gradually increased to them walking with him through the halls. Then an exchange of phone numbers.

Connor often sat up at night wondering how long it would take for them to leave this time. Miguel was the only person who could stand him… and now Connor’s pushed him away. His hand itches to pick up his phone and text him. It couldn’t be that hard right? It’s just a little text… not that big a deal. Connor reaches for his nightstand and picks it up, his arm limp. Miguel wouldn’t text back, so what’s the harm?

His fingers tremble over the keyboard. No… he can’t. He can’t do it. Connor sets it back down and turns, placing his feet on the floor. He set his head in his hands and tried to breathe. The brunet didn’t catch his breath until the sun peeked over the horizon, making the sky orange. He’s certain Miguel hates him, there’s no going back. Even if he didn’t hate him, Miguel certainly doesn’t love him anymore. Meanwhile, Connor’s still desperately in love with him. I guess ride or die isn’t an empty phrase after all.

“Hey, you look like shit.” Jared’s hand pats Connor’s back in the school hallway. The taller boy just barely bites back something awful. He shuts his empty locker, having dropped all his books inside his bag already.

“Yeah.” He replies instead. His stomach hurts and Connor momentarily wonders if he ate breakfast. Today has been a blur and it’s not even 8:00 am yet.

“Wanna talk about it sport?” Jared says with a lopsided grin.

“No, I’d rather not.” Connor’s stomach makes a frightfully loud noise and Jared startles at the sound. They’re both silent, in shock and in embarrassment respectively.

“Do you want to get something from a vending machine?” Jared asks curiously. The thought of eating anything makes Connor feel like he’s going to vomit. Thankfully, Evan comes to his rescue by interrupting the current conversation. He plays a voice mail from his mom stating: ‘You are failing English. Also, I made a delicious sandwich on 7 grain bread with mustard, pickles, and avocado and cheese. Really yummy.’

“Like way to soften the blow mom.” Evan says with a soft nervous chuckle. Jared’s attention is diverting to laughing about ‘Heidi Hansen’ and Connor is free to live with his stomach cramping up.

The bell rings and Connor is thankful to walk in a completely different direction from the other two boys. Seriously, what did they want with him? He’s pretty sure they’re dating, and Jared seemed to absolutely despise Connor up until he helped Evan beat up some assholes.

_Maybe they want to be your friend?_

Thoughts like that are immediately stamped out. Clearly, something else is up.

During religion, which is unfortunately a required class, Connor noticed Evan staring off into the corner of the room. His hands were gliding over his desk, and Connor wondered if he was asleep or high. Maybe that’s why he wore the shades?

Connor pulls his phone out and opens Evan’s number. He presses in a simple, ‘u good?’ text. It buzzes in his pocket and Connor sees Evan jump minutely. He doesn’t pull it out though. Connor would be lying if that didn’t piss him off. He rubs his eyes, refocusing on the projector. Nothing in this lesson is going to be useful, but Connor might as well listen. No, he’s not trying to distract himself from Evan Hansen, nope, he’s just fascinated with how Catholicism affects society today.

They walk out of class together, because Evan grabs his sleeve. Then, he presses a button on his flip phone and a mechanical voice rings out in the hallway. “From: Connor. U good?”

Evan laughs a little and nods. “Yes, I’m fine. Why were you asking?”

“You looked distracted.” Connor wished he could’ve said it flirtatiously instead of the awkward way he blurted it out. He doesn’t ask why he played it. Maybe Evan is dyslexic and not in the mood to try to read it.

“Oh.” Evan mutters and then blushes. “You could tell?”

“Duh.” Connor replies. Evan is quiet for a little bit and then Connor realizes Evan’s hands are still on his sleeve. They’re both equally red faced when they meet back up with Jared. The brunet teases them about it for longer than necessary, and Connor thinks that’s the end of the conversation when Jared coughs nervously.

And that’s how Connor found himself on the floor of the Kleinman’s living room, Evan and Jared sleeping beside him. He doesn’t know why he’s awake, but he knows it’s their fault. Connor has picked up on way too many of their habits, and he hates how observant he is when it comes to friends or relationships. He’s dated a few girls, but it didn’t feel right. Nothing felt right until Miguel, and he guesses that’s why it all went wrong.

Connor cares way too much. He gets too invested. Then, all the sudden, he could care less. He gets paranoid they’ll leave him up until he does the leaving himself. A cruel cycle, really.

Evan and Jared are insistent on becoming a part of his life, and inside he doesn’t know how to handle it. He preferred it when the smaller boy hated his guts, but not everyone can get what they want. Evan said a few days ago that ‘he was stuck with them now’ and he hated the desperate heart fluttering.

_Don’t they know that Connor is dangerous?_

Evan turns in his sleep and grabs onto Connor, his arm over his chest. It’s not heavy, but it’s not a comfortable weight.

“Go to sleep.” Evan mutters, his hand coming up to tap his face with surprising accuracy.

“How’d you know I was awake?” Connor says softly, trying not to disturb Jared.

“You’re breathing too fast. Go to sleep, Connor.”

Connor lays back against the carpet and stares at the ceiling. He stares until he sees shapes and the tiny dots swirl in patterns. Evan doesn’t tap him again, but he stays basically on top of him. Connor can tolerate it until Jared migrates closer as well. He’s trapped between the two boys when he realizes he’s afraid to get attached again.

It’s amazing how much you have to think and reflect on your actions when you’re broken.

…

Jared continues to ask him to come over, but this is the first week any of them have gotten shit for it. The smaller brunet enters through the side entrance of the school one morning and Connor notices a thin white eyepatch over one of his eyes. He’s not wearing his glasses, and when he approaches, he smiles at them, but it’s a tired smile.

“What happened to your face?” Connor asks bluntly. Evan looks up a little and reaches out with his hand. He touches Jared’s cheek and Jared guides his hand to the eyepatch. Okay, that’s bordering on strange.

“I thought it’d look cooler than just showing up with a black eye. Plus, Evan and I can be blind buddies now.” Jared swings his arm around Evan’s neck and flicks the black sunglasses on his face. The blond huffs in disappointment while Connor and Jared laugh. He must have shitty eyesight considering how often he wears them.

“Picking the low hanging fruit now?” Evan sighs, leaning into Jared’s side. The brunet smiles and shrugs.

“No but-“

“If you keep talking, you’re going to need a second eyepatch.” Connor’s never seen Evan this annoyed before, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued.

“You’d never hit me, Ev.” Jared snarks, grabbing the blond’s hand and squeezing. Connor’s heart aches a little when he sees it but come on idiot you knew they were dating. It’s not the end of the world.

“I’ll just get Connor to do it. He’d be better at it anyway.” Evan’s shoulders slump a bit, and Connor notices the tension leak from his body suddenly. That’s a breathing exercise. Does Evan have a therapist? God, Connor should probably know this by now.

“I don’t like confrontation.” Connor says simply. Jared points at his scabbed over knuckles and the bruises on his arms. “Did you think those were by choice?” He asks, looking at the smaller boy pointedly.

“Fair.” Jared says, nudging Evan in the side. “He’s not gonna hit me, you’re just gonna have to do it yourself.” He curls into Jared’s body and mumbles something about it being too much effort, before Connor hears something hurtling toward his face.

He reaches out his hand and catches it, the force stinging his hand a little bit. Jared and Evan stand in complete silence as Connor unfurls the paper ball. It reads ‘fag’ in large black marker; the a is curled and the g tilts to the right. This person masked their handwriting by tilting it the opposite way. So, it’s no use to report it. It never is.

Connor chucks it in the trash behind him. “How the fuck did you catch that?” Jared asks in astonishment. The taller boy shrugs.

“I guess having shitty hearing heightened my reflexes and eyes. It balances itself out.”

Evan’s glasses slip down, and Connor can see the interest in his eyes. “You have bad ears?”

Connor doesn’t know how he wouldn’t notice. He takes one of his hearing aids out and drops it in Evan’s palm. The blond looks inexplicitly happy at the fact that Connor is partially deaf.

“How’d that happen, by the way?” Jared asks with actual genuine curiosity in his voice. It surprises Connor so much that he doesn’t think before telling them.

“I was playing extremely loud music on my stereo to drown out my sister fighting with my parents about me and I accidentally blew my amp. I think my ears were bleeding for hours after.”

Jared looks less curious and a little more frightened. “Okay, cool. I’m never blasting my music again. Thanks for the advice.”

Connor laughs and then accidentally snorts. Jared and Evan embarrass him about it until Connor gets tapped on the shoulder by Evan.

“Here.” Instead of handing him the device, Evan puts the hearing aid back into Connor’s ear with a small smile. His face burning distracts him from the high-pitched sound coming from his ear. Evan must have fiddled with it. 

He excuses himself for class much earlier than normal and basically sprints down the hall. Fucking hell, if this is how his friendship with them is gonna go, to hell with it.

He needs to cut this off immediately.

…

“So, Connor, did anything interesting happen at school today?” Cynthia asks, looking at him with ‘please for the love of god talk to me’ in her eyes. Connor reaches up and turns it all the way down, which causes a slight high-pitched sound.

He can faintly hear Larry telling him to listen to his mother, but he doesn’t sound angry. Maybe they both gave up on him.

“I caught a paper ball that said Fag on it today.” Connor says dryly, looking down at his plate of Cynthia’s newest health kick. He can just barely hear Cynthia reprimanding him for using that word.

“It was for me, so it was cool that I caught it or whatever.” Connor stands from the table and turns his device all the way off. “I think I’m going to go to bed.” He hopes he says it loud enough for them to hear before exiting. When no one follows him to his room, he realizes that was most calm he’s ever deserted a dinner.

What is wrong with him? Is this better or worse?

No, it’s better that he’s not yelling at his family, even though they suck. But the sudden change, that worries him. Maybe he’s unintentionally taking mood altering drugs.

Or maybe it’s because you have people that care about you?

Connor lays down on tries to untangle his hair with his fingers. _Yeah right._

Just as he’s drifting off his mind wanders to Miguel again. He wonders how he’s been doing in school since Connor left. Thoughts about school slowly merge to remembering their first kiss. Connor’s pillow is soaked with tears, and when he wakes up, it’s dry. He checks the time and finds that it’s barely been an hour.

It couldn’t have dried that fast. He looks up and sees his door is cracked open slightly. Someone must’ve come in and swapped his sheets out. It was probably Cynthia, but she doesn’t usually stay up this late.

_Isn’t it odd to have people care for you, Connor Murphy?_

Sleep is restless after that, but his mind is momentarily cleared of Miguel. A refreshing change, really. He thinks about Jared and Evan instead, but not all thoughts are kind.

“Hello? You in there?” Jared’s hand waves over his face and Connor tenses and relaxes. Fuck he must’ve blacked out. It’s been a while since he disassociated. 

“I’m here.” Connor says with an oddly soft tone. He clears his throat and occupies himself with fiddling with his bag strap. He looks around and he’s in the crowded school cafeteria. _Oh._ It’s lunch? That’s the longest time Connor’s blacked out before. Something is wrong.

Evan holds onto his arm and squeezes carefully. “Are you alright? You’ve been in a daze all day.”

Connor turns to look at him and notices his sunglasses are folded on the table. He never takes them off.

“You have pretty eyes.” Connor murmurs, still a little out of it.

“O-Oh, thanks. I wouldn’t know.” Evan pauses. “Are you drunk?”

Connor is about to respond when Jared pats him on the back. They’re on both sides of him again.

“If so, great. Drunk Connor gives compliments. Hey, do me next,” Jared says with a smirk and Connor looks him up him down.

“I mean, I would do you, but I don’t have any condoms. Sorry.” He tries to say it as seriously as possible and the flush flooding Jared’s face is amazing. Connor doesn’t hear Evan laugh and glances at the blond. Evan’s face is the same hue as Jared’s, but he doesn’t seem uncomfortable.

_Apologize, idiot._

“Sorry, too forward?” Connor says, tilting his head in confusion. He didn’t think both of them would react so explosively to that. Maybe they’re both virgins? Connor voices this question and they both turn redder.

“Absolutely not.” Jared says, glancing away. Evan nods and Connor snorts. Of course they are. “What are you laughing at, you haven’t got any ass either!”

Connor’s head floods with images of Miguel. “Yeah, sure.” He mutters. Jared’s eyes go wide.

“No fucking way. Who the hell did you bang?”

“Jared!” Evan complains, covering his face with his hands. The blond looks like he doesn’t want this conversation to be happening.

“Did you think I’ve never dated before?” Connor asks, idly digging through his bag for his fidget cube. He was considering giving it to Evan because the blond’s fingers look more chewed down than normal.

“I mean, of course I thought you’ve dated… You’re hot as fuck. I didn’t think you’d had sex though?”

Connor bangs his hand on the underside of the table and looks up at Jared. _Me? Hot? No way, this is a joke._ “Stop messing with me Jared, I thought we were friends now.” Oh shit. He said friends. Oh god it’s too late to drop them.

“I’m not messing with you?” Jared says dryly. Then he grabs a strand of Connor’s hair and tugs lightly, gesturing with his other hand. “You pull off the bad boy thing super well.”

Connor tries to hold back any weird noise resulting from the hair pulling and clears his throat.

“Even Evan thinks so.” Jared says with a smirk, leaning forward. “Isn’t that right, Ev?”

Evan squeaks and looks away. “So wh-what? I mean I wasn’t saying that I would like, fuck him. ThoughI’mnotsayingIwouldn’tIjustdon’twanttoruinourfriendship.”

Connor barely comprehends all of that and feels his cheeks heat regardless. Then Jared laughs.

“Evan! I made him blush! Hand it over.~” Jared clearly holds his palm out for cash and Connor’s heart plummets. Ah, so they _were_ messing with him. Connor stands, the table screeching horribly.

“Connor? You alright?” Evan asks, reaching up to hold onto his arm.

“Don’t touch me.” He growls, shoving the table further back and storming out. He can’t think he’s so fucking angry. Of course, they weren’t real friends, it was all just a bet. Who can make Connor the most embarrassed and turned on? Who can lead Connor on more? Just a big fucking joke to toy with him.

He can’t hear them begging him to stop running, he’s too busy wondering where the best place to break down would be. Maybe outside the school. Maybe the roof. He can’t go home, he knows that.

Connor doesn’t expect a hand pulling him backward. The taller boy falls on top of someone and he groans in pain. His palms are bleeding. He rolls over to get off the person and it’s Jared. Evan is nowhere to be seen. His knuckles ache and he grits his teeth.

“WHAT PART OF DON’T TOUCH ME ARE YOU NOT GETTING?” When Jared stands, Connor shoves him hard enough that he stumbles, falling back down. He turns on his heel and runs, slamming each door he finds, wide open. The roof is freezing, and Connor looks over the edge contemplatively.

_Are you considering dying over those jackasses? Really, Connor?_

“It would make them guilty.” Connor whispers to himself, his exposed skin getting goosebumps. The hair on the back of his neck rises, and his stomach twists. A hand takes his arm and pulls him away from the ledge. Connor turns and smacks them across their face. Their glasses come flying off. Evan’s pale blue grey eyes are staring up at him in shock.

“Did you hit me?” Evan asks quietly. Connor wants to cut his own hand off. Evan’s glasses go careening off the edge and the blond’s eyes widen. “Did my glasses fall off the roof Connor?”

“Yes. Why don’t you see for yourself, idiot?” Connor says bitterly, tugging his arm away from Evan. His arms tingle. He hopes Jared isn’t too hurt. He shoved him pretty hard.

Connor doesn’t expect to hear Evan crying.

“I didn’t expect you of all people to sink this low.” Evan sobs, not making a move to wipe the tears away.

“What do you mean.” Connor scoffs. He’s always been an asshole.

“Fucking, blind jokes? Really Connor?” Evan’s nearly screaming. _Blind?_

“Blind? I’d hardly say that. Maybe those douchey shades did fuck up your eyesight.” Connor turns to look at him, but he doesn’t expect Evan to manically laugh.

“The ‘douchebag’ shades are prescription you fucking idiot! I lost my sight 7 years ago Connor!” Evan’s hands are shaking with how hard he’s digging his nails into his palms. Connor’s heart stops in his chest. Lost his sight? Fuck everything makes more sense now… How could he be so stupid? The constant touching, messy hair, depending on Jared, not reading his texts out loud. Connor really is a fucking idiot.

“Evan I... I didn’t mean. I’m sorry.” He reaches for him and Evan smacks his hands away. He must’ve sensed his movement.

“Sorry isn’t good enough.” He wraps his arms around himself and guilt weighs Connor down, keeping his feet solidly planted to the roof. He doesn’t know how to fix this mess he’s created.

“Was it all a joke?” Connor asks weakly. Evan finally does wipe his face and Connor’s hands stop itching to do it for him.

“Was what a joke?” He says, a slight touch of regret and loss in his voice. Connor clears his throat and grabs his arm lightly.

“Us? And Jared?”

Evan pauses and swallows harshly. He looks up at Connor, and he notices that his pupils are slightly above eye contact. Connor was such an idiot. “Are you joking or are you stupid?” Evan blushes and then apologizes beneath his breath, but not obsessively like he normally does. He’s still pissed. “I mean. Of course, it wasn’t.” Evan looks away and tugs at his hair. “Jared’s crazy about you.”

“Crazy about me?” Connor asks curiously. As in friend wise?

“I probably should’ve guessed since you were too oblivious to notice me being the token blind kid.” Evan sniffles and wipes his nose on his hand. Connor wishes he had a tissue for him. “Look, I’ll give you a week and if you don’t figure it out by then, Jared and I will tell you as bluntly and simply as we can. Got it?”

Connor takes Evan’s hand and shakes it. Then he leads him off the roof to apologize to Jared. The brunet takes it fairly easy but does threaten that if it were to happen often, Jared would have no choice but to end their friendship. Fear grips Connor like the cold hands of death. He can’t imagine a future where he didn’t have Jared, but judging by his track record, it’d be likely the taller boy would drive him away at some point. That or he’d become infatuated with someone else and the cycle would restart. Connor doesn’t believe in God but he’s praying that won’t happen. Just once he wants to be able to love someone in peace.

Fuck.

Connor said love.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: holybeecoconut


End file.
